homesick but not for home






06.12.06 - las isletas

back home in my bed, trying to sleep to the sounds of police cars firing warning sirens to send street loiterers walking. and it just feels ugly to be back.

tears came to my eyes as the plane touched down at SFO because that was when i finally realized my trip to nicaragua was really over.

i had not let myself feel sadness in anticipation of an end while in nicaragua, because i was to live every moment in the moment. time was not to be wasted dwelling on the inevitable future.

now that i'm back, i've cried several times.

because i've been overwhelmed with a sense of life again. and i am frightened that being back home (this place i'm supposed to call home) will dull me down to grey again.

i'm reluctant to use the internet. i dread hearing my cellphone ring. i don't want to listen to the radio. or watch tv.

because for 10 days, i ran away from stress and other forms of bullshit that beat me to a senseless pulp. because before, i was a zombie. i was caught in an abusive relationship. to be forced to associate with constant negativity. with misdirected drives and unfocused priorities.

nicaragua's beauty doesn't just lie in the massive growth of nature sprouting at every corner. (the lakes, volcanoes, islands.) but in its people. nicaragua is the second poorest country in this hemisphere. (the first being haiti.) 70% of the people live in poverty. this is the third world. despite their daily struggles, nicaraguans are some of the friendliest, genuine, and unpretentious people i've met. there is a true sense of community. of pride. and not the obnoxious bullying kind. quiet pride. america is merely grotesque in comparison.

its beauty lies in tin roof shacks, laundry drying everywhere, ribcage thin cattle, stray dogs, unkempt dirt roads, power outages, exhaust spewing school buses, thick heat and humidity, giant moths, free range chickens, street vendors, deliciously simple food (gallo pinto!!!). my love is in simplicity.

i wrote oliver and chris an email tonight. to thank them for everything they've given me.

oliver, thanks:
for putting up with my complete indecisiveness when it came to committing to even going in the first place, for being a truly understanding friend and knowing how good a trip like this would be for me, for the overwhelming encouragement and support, for the emails and reassurance that i'd be fine, for making me laugh with your ever changing facial hair, for being french, for not snoring (loudly), moaning, or talking in your sleep, for playing madden all the goddamn time, for telling me i had to see jean marc's work, and for those last reflective conversations we had on my last couple of nights.

chris, thanks:
for being an amazing host and tour guide, for speaking spanish and being a translator for a bunch of rowdy gringos, for showing me how beautiful nicaragua can be, for driving the ford suv under all sorts of conditions, for your generosity, for having a great group of friends to kick it with, for always checking up on your guests, for making a traveler feel at home in a foreign country, for ron, for getting down on the dance floor, for ipod jams in the car, for your patience and good humor, and for introducing me to so many new and wonderful people.

and most of all, i want to thank both of you for showing me that this world does have decent people still. and that life doesn't have to be all stress and negativity.

remember that last night at cafe nuit? as the band played, i looked up at the starry sky from between the palm leaves and realized just how simple happiness was. i said to both of you, "i'm really happy right now." and i meant every word.

thank you for reminding me what happiness is.

rob

06.18.06
after the hike, we rested for a bit near our car.
i snapped these of rob, hydrating himself.







the end.

la vida creció por todas partes

06.18.06
after our catarina excursion, we drove up to volcán mombacho for a hike around the crater.
it was what i imagine hiking around a rainforest would be like.
it was extremely lush and moist. life was growing everywhere.
half-way through the hike, it began to rain.
who would have thought i'd ever be stuck in a rain storm on the side of a volcano in nicaragua?


before our hike, this guy from california (LA) came up to talk to us and snap our photos.




a view from mombacho of las isletas.




bird's eye view of granada. our house was at the foot of that cathedral.








very lord of the rings passage-way on mombacho.












chris took this photo of me.















mi día pasado en nicaragua

06.18.06
on my last day, chris took us to catarina,
a small famous for it's gardens, nurseries
and small tourist park that overlooks laguna apoyo.

after doing some sight seeing and souvenir purchasing, chris took us on a journey to a couple nurseries.
we were looking for a cacao plant as ginger, the pastry chef/chocolate maker, had never seen one live.














ginger and the chocolate factory




the woman who owned the nursery gave her an unripe cacao pod.
later that night, when we got back, ginger broke the pod open.



jean marc calvet

06.17.06
after swimming at laguna de apoyo, we drove back to granada to spend our final days where it all started.
i love granada and the house we stayed in. being back was a relief for me.
i felt like i was home again.

later that night, after eating ourselves sick at several restaurants in granada,
i had a chance to meet and see the studio of this genius of a painter,
jean marc calvet.

he's originally from france, but he lives and works in nicaragua.
as well as being a world famous artist (he has a show in NYC and LA this summer)
he owns el tercer ojo which has really good gazpacho.
it was the first place i ate at when i first arrived in nicaragua.

unfortunately, i didn't bring my camera into his studio, but it was amazing.
i'll always remember the colors of the paint brushes and paint he had scattered about.

he told us the stories behind two of this paintings ("the two brothers" and "twisted date")
and then he gave me and ginger a lollipop and said that the lollipop was to remind us
to always remember to look at the world through the eyes of a child.
because the innocence of children is so precious and often times, when we grow up
we become hardened and don't see the world for its simple beauty.

when he told us that, i almost wanted to cry.
i was truly touched because it felt like he was speaking directly to me,
because that's exactly what i think and how i think.

i feel so blessed to have met him and seen his work.


"look at me...look at you!"




"mi mundo gris"




"night flight"




"the two brothers"


when i got back to the states, i received an amazing email from him that truly brightened my day:


From: Jean Marc CALVET
Subject: French Painter from Granada
Date: June 18, 2006 6:35:31 PM PDT
To: Vivian

Hello Vivian ,
Very nice to meet you , I see you work and .............WHOUAAAAAAA !!!! I love ....trust me ....
It´s very good work . I need more time for look all the pictures ........ you have one more big fan !!!

I send you somes paintings and in a few days i send you the New York invitation ( Sorry for my english )

We´ll keep in touch .

I hope see you again .

Thank you.
Best wishes ,

Jean Marc

laguna de apoyo

06.17.06
the drive down to laguna de apoyo was breath-taking
and the laguna itself was very soothing.

but like i said, i wasn't in a photo mood.


rob and the lake




rob swimming




the things that came from the laguna: tyson, chris and oliver

ningunas fotos

06.17.06
rob was feeling a lot better this day, so we all headed out to laguna de apoyo.

it was one of those days where i actually didn't want to take that many photos.
sometimes you just need to keep some places/moments to yourself,
to preserve in your own memories.

because sometimes, the beauty of the moment just can't be captured on film.

here are some that i took on the way.


rob and his pedialyte to keep him hydrated after food poisoning.







amo puestas del sol nicaraguan

06.16.06
who needs television when you have nature putting on a show for free?














when it got a bit darker, there was a lightening storm right between the yellow and red clouds.












tyson calls these "bible scripture sunsets."

cervezas y la playa

06.16.06
after our "hike," ginger, tyson, oliver and i went to town to hang out.
we did the internet cafe thing (oliver's other addiction) and some souvenir shopping.

and then we decided to drink some beers on the beach and watch the sunset.

what more could you ask for?

















hasta la torre

06.16.06
after our delicious brunch, we decided to take a hike up to this radio tower over looking san juan del sur.
chris told us to suit up and bring lots of water
because he wasn't sure how far he could drive the car up the hill to the tower.

after preparing ourselves for a hike in the heat, we ended up driving all the way up.
oliver remarked: "gee, chris, i'm glad you told us to wear long pants, the a/c was pretty cold in the car."

there were a couple maintenance people living up there next to the tower.